i pledge

i pledge allegiance
To the phantom of your hand, slender & white
Wedged between my shoulder blades
“Ching chong”
That is to say
You should be sliced by
My twin machetes,
Yet crimson blossoms from
My knees, in the playground’s wood chips

to the flag
White over disintegrating battlements,
I surrender myself to you
Little yellow croaker,
Belly up
Submissive & exotic & seductive
To be Chinese
Is to be a paradox

of the united states
Of matter, liquid:
Chinese-American
The hyphen streaming between both,
Never there to stay

of america
You say the streets are
Paved with gold
I struck it rich in
Chestnuts in hong shao rou,
Bamboo shoots in suan la tang,
Egg yolks in xian ya dan
But never in the streets,
Each interstate taking me
Farther from mother’s land

and to the republic
That gives power to the people
I seek myself in
You, the White Man,
Our faces, the sun and moon
Representation abdication

for which it stands

On the shoulders of my forefathers
You spoke of railroads & mines
Immigrants or just immi,
A palindrome not granted your
Gilded embrace

one nation
Or won nation?
Because you vanquished me when
I painted my monolids,
I stopped wearing hanfu to school,
I fainted from the smell of sunscreen,
Layered to keep me white as snow

under god
You ask me to confess my sins,
You say I am blessed, holy water trickling from your eyes
I clutch your priestly robes,
Searching the sky for your Almighty
He who can bring even you
To your knees,
Who can make you repent,
When the cries of your people can’t
Sometimes I wish I could see Him,
Instead of the space
Where my prayers lay unasked

indivisible
& successful & academic
You lift me by my hair, tell me to smile
For the camera
You are the photographer,
And I, your model (minority)
Do not use our stories
To erase those of our brethren

with liberty
Like the calligraphy
You asked me to read,
Flowing brushstrokes untethered,
Characters I can’t identify
I close my eyes and pretend
I am a bird, soaring
Over the roiling seas and tumbling mountains

​

and justice
Your Honor, I object
I present this affidavit
A testament of my innocence
I only set fire to
The acid in my stomach,
I only robbed you
Of what should have been mine,
I only killed
My dream,
Sent my own lamb to the slaughter
So I could rebuild it without your hand
Wedged between my shoulder blades

for all

 

—
* hong shao rou, suan la tang, xian ya dan: popular Chinese dishes
* hanfu: traditional Chinese clothing